We’ve seen the best and the worst of memes this year. I have had some wonderful laughs at the sheer comedic creativity adorning my social media feeds. At times when I wanted to cry, I have been able to laugh, and afterward taken a long cleansing breath - reminding myself, this too shall pass.
As we approach the end of the year, I wanted to get back to the nugget of the internet I call my own and share with you just a few thoughts.
At times, like many of my friends and family dealing with one hard hit after another, I have wanted to tell 2020 to go fuck itself. To be rid of 2020 seems like an easy fix. Instead, I have opted to say Thank You. My own little Marie Kondo moment. With the chaos, sorrow, tumultuous times of 2020, I also had some truly beautiful moments. So with all that said, even in this weird state we are in, I am grateful for 2020 and also looking forward to setting this season of life free. Who can be sure what 2021 will deliver unto us? Here are a few things that I am grateful for, right now.
Quarantine. Yes, you read that right.
I realize that being grateful for a quarantined existence comes from a place of privilege. My career has allowed me to at times, supervise my kids at home when needed while working remotely. Not everyone has this luxury or accommodation. I am fortunate. Quarantined time at home with my family has meant saying “No” to club soccer games, sports practices, church, dining out, and doing so many of the things that make our life busy, chaotic, at times - just too damn much. It has also meant saying “yes” to eating every home-cooked meal in our dining room. Taj set up his preferred work site in our kitchen area, so we moved into a more formal dining space, and what fun it has been. We talk more, we ask each other how the days went, and we don’t look at our phones. We enjoy our food and don’t rush off. It's been so good. We play Scrabble and most of the time I win. It isn’t all that bad.
Teachers
Our boys have also had the wonderful privilege of attending classes at an independent school where they have been masking it up and attending face to face since August. Their teachers have been teaching them in small cohorts that include students who join remotely from home. Lots of technology, lots to manage, lots of stress for those teachers. I can say this with utmost confidence, while my children have missed the run and play of a normal school semester, their teachers have made this experience simply wonderful. My Dez, who happens to love school a little less than his older brother, has a supportive, loving teacher who has carefully guided him with a level of patience and encouragement that I cannot provide. We are all waiting for this phase to end. We all want to resume our normal lives, especially our kids. But what is normal? I am not sure anymore. I know that for my family, this season has forced us to rise to the occasion and I know it has made us better in so many ways. I hope that for the teachers in our lives, while this season has been unmanageable in so many ways, I hope that it has allowed you to grow and develop in ways you hadn’t thought of. Maybe it is in the way you command a room of zoom zombies, or in your confidence, or the ways, you have creatively figured out how to check in on your students. I hope your school administration sees you and hears you. I do. I will forever be thankful for Ms. Russo and Mr. Mohan and Mr. Ski, and Ms. Hancock and Mr. Chen and all those sweet voices that I hear coming from those Chromebooks. Your work, your love, your patience, and your frustration: it does not go unnoticed.
Friends | Aka the Beach Babes | Aka the Beach B**tches
Two years ago I was invited to go on a beach trip to celebrate the 40th birthday of a very special friend. A group of college pals got together We drank too much, some of us smoked too much, we partied with strangers at beach bars and we rekindled a decades-old friendship. We are republican and conservative, we are democrats and radical leftists (okay maybe that's just me :), we are also really good friends. We have talked every day on Marco Polo for the last 6 months. I haven’t seen a couple of them in person since that beach trip. But am I grateful for the daily check-ins, and the permission they give me to complain, to grieve, to be myself without apology. It's not perfect, I can sense the eye rolls when I talk about my love for Barack Obama and my bright, red handbag. We are perfectly imperfect and I am blessed to have them in my life, several times a day.
Barack Obama
There, I said it. After a painful election process. After too many months of opinions and wild ideas, my heart feels a little battered, and my lungs are exhausted from holding my breath. It has been heartbreaking. I am sad for what seems to be a total loss of humanity. I am sad that I have had old friendships end this year. I am sad that my black friends still have to feel fear for their children’s safety. I am sad that my friends in law enforcement feel hate when they don’t deserve it. You see, I am an individualist. I see people as unique, complex beings. I know people can make mistakes, and make bad choices. I know that people can feel hatred and do some absolutely stupid shit not knowing the impact it will have on a person, a family, a nation. I understand that you can feel this way and that way too.
Okay, with all that said. I started listening to Barack Obama’s “The Promised Land” on audible. There are very few books or authors that I want to listen to on Audible. There are exactly a few. Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, and Trevor Noah. When Dave Chappell writes a book I will buy that on Audible too. President Obama’s voice is like a calming, therapeutic sound for me. It sets me at ease like the voice of a friendly guru. It is a voice of promise. His story of a political landscape of possibility gives me hope. I’m not finished with it yet. I am taking it in slowly and surely. I won’t rush this one.
Shubin
2020 has not been easy on this marriage and the family life I share with my husband. With that said, there is no other person I would rather spend the long days with cooped up inside our messy house than my husband. It's not perfect and never will it be, but I am more grateful now than ever for the partnership that I have with Shubin. So grateful that he holds his tongue more than he lashes out, so thankful that he is good at math because I don’t want to be bothered with it, so grateful that his “me” time includes playing the guitar in the basement so that everyone can hear, so thankful for him coordinating the soccer stuff, cause I secretly hate that too, and so thankful that he continues to put up with me, year after year.
I am blessed beyond measure. Thank you 2020 for opening my eyes to that and some painful truths as well. Thank you for the moments I was given that I didn’t get in 2019. Thank you for opening my eyes to the love and opportunity that I have been given right inside the four walls of this house. I have thought for a long time about where I belong. With new and old jobs, with new houses, and new family. It was 2020 that taught me I belong, that I belong everywhere and nowhere.
“You only are free when you realize you belong no place – you belong every place – no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.” Maya Angelou.
