A cheerful and grateful goodbye

We’ve seen the best and the worst of memes this year. I have had some wonderful laughs at the sheer comedic creativity adorning my social media feeds. At times when I wanted to cry, I have been able to laugh, and afterward taken a long cleansing breath - reminding myself, this too shall pass. 

As we approach the end of the year, I wanted to get back to the nugget of the internet I call my own and share with you just a few thoughts. 

At times, like many of my friends and family dealing with one hard hit after another, I have wanted to tell 2020 to go fuck itself. To be rid of 2020 seems like an easy fix. Instead, I have opted to say Thank You. My own little Marie Kondo moment. With the chaos, sorrow, tumultuous times of 2020, I also had some truly beautiful moments. So with all that said, even in this weird state we are in, I am grateful for 2020 and also looking forward to setting this season of life free. Who can be sure what 2021 will deliver unto us? Here are a few things that I am grateful for, right now.

Quarantine. Yes, you read that right. 

I realize that being grateful for a quarantined existence comes from a place of privilege. My career has allowed me to at times, supervise my kids at home when needed while working remotely. Not everyone has this luxury or accommodation. I am fortunate. Quarantined time at home with my family has meant saying “No” to club soccer games, sports practices, church, dining out, and doing so many of the things that make our life busy, chaotic, at times - just too damn much. It has also meant saying “yes” to eating every home-cooked meal in our dining room. Taj set up his preferred work site in our kitchen area, so we moved into a more formal dining space, and what fun it has been. We talk more, we ask each other how the days went, and we don’t look at our phones. We enjoy our food and don’t rush off. It's been so good. We play Scrabble and most of the time I win. It isn’t all that bad. 

Teachers

Our boys have also had the wonderful privilege of attending classes at an independent school where they have been masking it up and attending face to face since August. Their teachers have been teaching them in small cohorts that include students who join remotely from home. Lots of technology, lots to manage, lots of stress for those teachers. I can say this with utmost confidence, while my children have missed the run and play of a normal school semester, their teachers have made this experience simply wonderful. My Dez, who happens to love school a little less than his older brother, has a supportive, loving teacher who has carefully guided him with a level of patience and encouragement that I cannot provide. We are all waiting for this phase to end. We all want to resume our normal lives, especially our kids. But what is normal? I am not sure anymore. I know that for my family, this season has forced us to rise to the occasion and I know it has made us better in so many ways. I hope that for the teachers in our lives, while this season has been unmanageable in so many ways, I hope that it has allowed you to grow and develop in ways you hadn’t thought of. Maybe it is in the way you command a room of zoom zombies, or in your confidence, or the ways, you have creatively figured out how to check in on your students. I hope your school administration sees you and hears you. I do. I will forever be thankful for Ms. Russo and Mr. Mohan and Mr. Ski, and Ms. Hancock and Mr. Chen and all those sweet voices that I hear coming from those Chromebooks. Your work, your love, your patience, and your frustration: it does not go unnoticed. 

Friends | Aka the Beach Babes | Aka the Beach B**tches

Two years ago I was invited to go on a beach trip to celebrate the 40th birthday of a very special friend. A group of college pals got together We drank too much, some of us smoked too much, we partied with strangers at beach bars and we rekindled a decades-old friendship. We are republican and conservative, we are democrats and radical leftists (okay maybe that's just me :), we are also really good friends. We have talked every day on Marco Polo for the last 6 months. I haven’t seen a couple of them in person since that beach trip. But am I grateful for the daily check-ins, and the permission they give me to complain, to grieve, to be myself without apology. It's not perfect, I can sense the eye rolls when I talk about my love for Barack Obama and my bright, red handbag. We are perfectly imperfect and I am blessed to have them in my life, several times a day. 

Barack Obama 

There, I said it. After a painful election process. After too many months of opinions and wild ideas, my heart feels a little battered, and my lungs are exhausted from holding my breath. It has been heartbreaking. I am sad for what seems to be a total loss of humanity. I am sad that I have had old friendships end this year. I am sad that my black friends still have to feel fear for their children’s safety. I am sad that my friends in law enforcement feel hate when they don’t deserve it. You see, I am an individualist. I see people as unique, complex beings. I know people can make mistakes, and make bad choices. I know that people can feel hatred and do some absolutely stupid shit not knowing the impact it will have on a person, a family, a nation. I understand that you can feel this way and that way too. 

 Okay, with all that said. I started listening to Barack Obama’s “The Promised Land” on audible. There are very few books or authors that I want to listen to on Audible. There are exactly a few. Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, and Trevor Noah. When Dave Chappell writes a book I will buy that on Audible too. President Obama’s voice is like a calming, therapeutic sound for me. It sets me at ease like the voice of a friendly guru. It is a voice of promise. His story of a political landscape of possibility gives me hope. I’m not finished with it yet. I am taking it in slowly and surely. I won’t rush this one. 

Shubin 

2020 has not been easy on this marriage and the family life I share with my husband. With that said, there is no other person I would rather spend the long days with cooped up inside our messy house than my husband. It's not perfect and never will it be, but I am more grateful now than ever for the partnership that I have with Shubin. So grateful that he holds his tongue more than he lashes out, so thankful that he is good at math because I don’t want to be bothered with it, so grateful that his “me” time includes playing the guitar in the basement so that everyone can hear, so thankful for him coordinating the soccer stuff, cause I secretly hate that too, and so thankful that he continues to put up with me, year after year. 

I am blessed beyond measure. Thank you 2020 for opening my eyes to that and some painful truths as well. Thank you for the moments I was given that I didn’t get in 2019. Thank you for opening my eyes to the love and opportunity that I have been given right inside the four walls of this house. I have thought for a long time about where I belong. With new and old jobs, with new houses, and new family. It was 2020 that taught me I belong, that I belong everywhere and nowhere. 

“You only are free when you realize you belong no place – you belong every place – no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.” Maya Angelou. 

Establishing Your Board of Directors

Many organizations achieve great success under the direction of a trusted board of advisers. As a student or a young professional, I am sure there are people in your network who you routinely tap on the shoulder for support and guidance. It is no secret that highly successful people reach out and ask for help along the way.  

Creating a support system like a board of directors is an excellent way to keep oneself in check and learn from those who might have more experience or a different perspective. Who should be on your board of directors? Here are a few suggestions. 

 A trusted friend or family member that knows you well.

Yep, I am breaking all the rules with this suggestion. Be careful here, it might not be a great idea to ask a parent or sibling to serve in this role UNLESS they have driven down the path that you wish to explore. Personally, I rely on the support of a close friend that I met at FFA camp, what seems like a lifetime ago. We have lived together, traveled together, studied together and experienced many milestones together. She knows me well. She has also maintained a very successful sales career with a respected company in agriculture. Not only does she know me, she cares about many of the same issues and challenges that we face in this industry. I admire her work, personally and professionally. I am grateful that she is on my team. 

 A Professional Mentor

Who do you aspire to be? The person that embodies your aspirations is who you should ask to serve as your professional mentor. Again, use caution here. Look at the professionals in your network—or your extended network—and start a conversation. The goal here is to learn more about what they do and how they got there. My mentor is someone who I have looked up to since I began my career in higher education in 2004. When I think about the professional I would like to be, I always think of him first. If you don't know where to start, look for alumni mentoring opportunities at your school or mentor programs in your organization. 

 A Former Supervisor or Colleague

Just like a professional reference, it is always beneficial to include someone who has supervised you or collaborated with you closely. That person is often familiar with your work, your strengths and your weaknesses. Think about professors you have worked for or supervisors from summer internships. The list goes on an on. If you haven't had a part time job or internship, well, get started on your job search. 

 Someone on the Cutting Edge

 I realize this suggestion leaves some room for interpretation. Look at your field and ask yourself the question, who is blazing a trail for others? Is there someone in your network who is taking risks and approaching their career with a more forward thinking approach? What are people in other organizations doing that interests you?  Is there a researcher or faculty member who has their finger on the pulse of innovation? These are the kinds of people that could provide guidance on your board of advisers.

When you have created a list of candidates, start your conversations carefully. Not all of your board members will require a formal invitation, especially those that know you well. If you are reaching out to someone in your network that could be a potentially valuable career contact, remember that professionalism is everything. Your interactions from the first email or phone call will leave a lasting impression. 

Originally Posted November 2016

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Clarity + vision

For the first time in months, I can take a breath. While excitement fills the air in Lexington from August - November, it is my busiest season of life. The job, the side hustle. the kids, the sports, all the things.

It can certainly seem like too much at times. 

November brings a sense of peace and gratitude to daily life. For the first time in months, I will have no major events to plan or no large projects looming over my head. I am reminded to be thankful and to get ready for the next season, the holidays and the start of a new year. 

For many, these reminders and the transition to the hustle and bustle of the holidays can be overwhelming. Maybe its the idea of cooking the turkey for your inlaws Thanksgiving dinner or the sense that you are running out of time to meet those goals that you had laid out for 2017. Whatever it is, I know, that this beautiful season can often times be the most stressful. I encourage you to take time for yourself. How can we manage the holidays, without first managing the careful balance between what we are personally giving and receiving?

Self care is good. Massages are good, and yoga is good. You know what else is good? Planning. Whether it is your holiday meals, your gift lists, or jumpstarting your goals for 2018, creating a vision and a plan for the coming months is an easy way to create a happy and healthy holiday season, instead of the chaos that we find ourselves in. 

Don't know where to start?

In December. I will be hosting my Clarity and Vision workshop. We will  take inventory of your life as you know it, carve out some time and energy for prioritization, and lastly we will create a vision for your own personal and professional success in 2018. 

Are you ready to leap into 2018 with a vision and plan to meet your goals? Register now, seats are limited. 

http://bit.ly/clarityandvisionworkshop

Dealing with Your Big, Bad, Scary Boss.

October, the season of spooks, witches, vampires, and ghosts. Autumn has always been my favorite time of year. The heat of summer begins to cool, football season arrives, and of course, out comes the boots and scarves.

While the pumpkin spice lattes might just be the thing you need to get you through your days, many will struggle with issues in the workplace. Those issues come home and cause even more chaos with family and friends. More often than not, individuals who are unhappy at work may be working for a monster of a boss. 

We’ve all had them. That person that wakes each day trying to ruin your life and kill every career aspiration that you’ve ever had? Okay, maybe it's not that bad. Chances are, even the worst managers aren’t out to get you. Failure to lead? That could be the issue. Was your manager promoted to management because he or she had all the skills and talents that great managers have? Probably not.

Most managers find themselves in management roles because it’s the next logical step on their ladder. Perhaps they were successful salesmen, scientists, or teachers. Before you go forward with your plans to line your supervisor's chair with thumbtacks, here are 3 ways to overcome the fear you have of your Big, Bad, Scary Boss. 

The Mean Boss
Gain some perspective. If you have ever read “The Five Languages of Love” you probably know, that it helps to look at the world through their eyes.. Knowing the language your boss speaks is important. Even if it isn’t natural for you, consider it a challenge to find out what makes them tick and more importantly, where their talents are. I know in my own career, reminding myself that each colleague or manager I have is cut from a cloth much different than my own has helped me keep from taking things personally. 

The Favorites Player
Avoid the office politics and games. If you feel like your boss plays favorites, focus your energy on your clients or the work that you have been hired to do. Remind yourself of your own talents, your goals, and your charge. You don’t have to be the “favorite” to do excellent work. Also, step back and observe why your boss may be drawn to a particular colleague. Chances are, your manager is simply drawn to a person that they relate to. While it might not seem fair or equitable, let it go. Also, it isn’t a bad thing to keep a healthy distance from management. Set boundaries for yourself and focus on the work. Do great things, be innovative. Let your let shine through measurable impact. 

The Micro-Manager
If your manager wants to know your every move, don’t give them a chance to ask. It is quite common for someone who works with a micro-manager to begin to protect themselves and their work by hiding or avoiding. A better approach would be to shower them with communication. Let them know what they need to know before they ask. Even when it seems a waste of time and energy, let your micromanager know what you are planning, before you get to work. Start with lots of details and then back off of your communication if it feels right.

Great work often happens as a result of good chemistry. It is totally possible that you may not have chemistry with your supervisor. Wellness in the workplace starts with having partners, collaborators, mentors, and managers that support you in your work and professional development. If you aren’t feeling the love,  you may need to go find it elsewhere. 

Find Work That You Love and The Rest Will Follow

Do you enjoy your work? Such a simple question. Are you waiting for the bell to ring or are you carried away in a project when 5:30 rolls around. As I look back on my own career, there was one period when I vividly remember a pit in my stomach as I arrived to work each Monday. Lucky for me, that time in my life was brief. I had just given birth to my first child and experienced 10 months of difficult post-partum depression. Everything that had been going so well, suddenly began to unravel. There are so many things that I would have done differently during that period of time. When you boil it down, I was in the wrong job, at the wrong place, working for a really, really bad boss.

It is hard to say if my professional life suffered because of the challenges I experienced in those first few months with a new little one. When you are unfulfilled in your career, you are at greater risk for physical and mental illness. I have to believe that if I had loved my work and felt supported by my manager, perhaps my life at home would have been much different.

You see, having a job that you love is pretty darn important if you want to be happy and fulfilled in the other areas of your life. So when people love their job, what does that look like? Whether you are a stay at home Mom, a thriving entrepreneur, a high school counselor, or a phd student, you have to look forward to the work. The majority of your waking hours will be spent doing that very “thing”. When you love your work, the transition between Sunday to Monday is relaxed and restful. Your plan of attack is laid out for the week with hope for productivity. You have the confidence to communicate your strengths and put them to work.

I think it is important to note, that YOU get to decide your purpose. We should not allow perceptions, shoulds, or the expectations of our families and friends determine our personal and professional path. If your purpose is to make your children your work for the next ten years, rock it and make no apologies. Yep, I am talking to you Moms out there. You decide your purpose. I could not be the stay at home Mom that my kiddos needed me to be. I try to be the working Mom that gets it right most of the time. It works for our family for now.

What you do everyday shapes your identity. When you meet new friends, your discussions likely start off with “what do you do?”. When you don’t have a story to tell that you are passionate about, it can have a great impact on your physical health, your emotional well being, your relationships, as well as your engagement in your community. Find the work that you love, and the rest will follow.

Are you in the right place, professionally?5 clues

Over the course of my career, I have worn a few different hats. I was trained as a classroom teacher and began my career in 2001. Boy, that was a rough year! It seemed like each day I started over in so many ways as I learned more about myself and the kids in my classroom. I had a few wins, don’t get me wrong. I liked teaching, I loved agriculture, but classroom management, parents, finding ways to meet the needs of 32 different students in one room with various learning styles, was not as easy as I thought it would be. I didn't love it. 

15 years later, I am at a point where I am spending my time doing more of the things I love, and I have created opportunities for myself to use my time and TALENTS in a way that leaves me satisfied and fulfilled. This didn’t happen overnight. I am still a classroom teacher, specifically on Mondays and Wednesdays. I love teaching and I am an educator every day of the week. I am alway coaching, and I am always trying to find ways to help students, clients, friends and family discover their own talents, and meet their goals, personally and professionally. 

So how do you know if you are in the right place, professionally. Are you loving it?

 Ask yourself two questions : 

 1. What do I get paid to do? 

 2. What do I love to do?

Hopefully, your answers are the same or similar. If they are not, perhaps we have some work to do. I know, I know, you don’t have 15 years to figure this stuff out. 

Here are 5 clues to talent that will help you decide whether you are investing your time and talents wisely at work.

Yearning:     

Is there a specific activity that you are drawn to over and over? If you had 2 “free” days at work where you could choose any project or program to work on with no pressure, what would it be? Now, ask yourself, are you spending most of your time in your role, working on those types of things? You should be feeding that “yearning” inside of you. 

Satisfaction : 

How often do you say “I can’t wait to do that again!”? Most often, we find the most pleasure at work in the areas where we are using our strengths. If you spend a good bit of your time wishing and dreaming about that next time in the far off distance when you get to do that one awesome thing that you knocked out of the park, maybe your current role is not fully employing what you have to offer. 

Rapid Learning: 

What activities do you pick up easily with little instruction? Are there things you would rather do on your own and even have difficulties explaining to others? When learning comes fast for you in a certain area, you are working in your wheelhouse. 

Glimpses of Excellence:

How often are you being recognized for excellence? It could be that your manager just isn’t great at providing you with the feedback you need after a job well done. It could also be that you are not consistently involved in work where your talents are shining. Talk to a coach, a personal friend, a colleague about this. Remember that blog I wrote about a Personal Board of Directors? Ask those folks what you are known for doing really well. Sometimes we need to be reminded, especially if its not happening at work. 

Total Performance Excellence:

When you are at work, how often do you look at your phone and your afternoon has literally escaped you? How many days of the week do you feel like you are totally in your zone? In that zone, is an amazing place to be.

It might be a bit impractical to expect that every day of your life,  you will work in a state of true professional bliss. Unless you write your own job description or work for yourself, chances are, there will be duties assigned that you don't find satisfying and you are not in love with, that is okay. However, If you aren’t spending a majority of the week working in a way that taps into your talents, you aren’t committed to your own potential for excellence. 

Vision Boarding, Mind Mapping and Everything in Between...

Did you catch my Facebook live video on Monday? Wow, that was something else! One of my goals for 2017 is to expand my coaching and consulting business and experiment with new programs and services. Facebook Live helps get the message out there, but ouch, its not always easy, and sometimes those little videos make me a nervous wreck! 

So why am I telling you this? That week I really wanted to talk to folks about goal setting. Vision boards, mind maps, bullet journals, are all popular methods to getting those goals down on paper. But for many, creating a collage of their vision for the future isn't enough.

Too often I hear from clients and friends that while they made a great attempt in the beginning, at the end of the year they had fallen short. Sometimes there is a gap between that vision and the day to day. I use a mind map to fill the gap with action. A quick look on Pinterest will connect you with thousands of great ideas for mind maps. 

If there is one big take away, that i would want you to remember from that video or this blog, I hope that you will remember the "scary" part. Last week I was listening to a podcast by Michael Hyatt, focused on goal setting for the new year. He identified three "zones" that you might be living in as you plan your goals for this year.  

The Comfort Zone

The Discomfort Zone 

The Delusional Zone. 

If you are seated in the comfort zone, you probably aren't stretching yourself enough. Nothing really great come easy. 

When your plans feel scary, uncertain, and just plain make you a nervous wreck, you might be getting to the good stuff.

If your goals, aren't specific, measurable, REALISTIC, and timely, OOPS, you might be in the delusional zone. 

Also, we all need help, don't be afraid to ask for it. Accountability and support is a beautiful thing. 

Until next time!